Last Night's Dream

Last night I had a dream that Hunter had cancer.  It was one of those vivid dreams that felt like reality, where all 5 of my senses reacted to the environment around me. Hunter was in a window-less dimly lit room. The only sounds were the beeps of the various machines his little body was hooked up to.  Just as I do in real-life, as he was drifting off to sleep I was gently petting the top of his head, but as I did so his thick, wavy beautiful hair was falling off into my hand.  In my dream I felt sick to my stomach as I watched helplessly while my little boy was suffering this disease. Once he was finally asleep I let go of the will-power that I was using to be strong in front of him, and when I knew he wouldn't see, I let the silent tears run down my face. I felt angry and confused as to why my son was chosen to have to endure such pain. He did nothing to deserve it. 

I was able to pull myself out of the dream during the emotional breakdown and was relieved when I opened my eyes and life was just the way as it had been before I feel asleep. Hunter was a healthy, happy boy, peacefully snoozing down the hall, probably dreaming of spider-man capturing the green goblin.  But even in my barely awake state of mind, I was sadly aware that what I was able to just wake myself out of is actually a grim reality for way too many parents out there. 

Childhood diseases (not only just cancer, but the whole slew of them out there) are one of life's mysteries that I will never understand.  It seems like a random drawing is held and these sweet, innocent, unknowing kids are the unlucky chosen ones to have to endure these battles.  I just don't get it.

You may be wondering why I am sharing last night's dream with you, and to be honest, I'm not even entirely sure why I am.  It was just one of those things that my heart decided was something I needed to toss out into cyber-land.  It is childhood cancer awareness month, and perhaps all the facebook notifications of such is the reason why this popped into my dream to begin with.  So maybe this dream was just a push for me to push you all to look into any childhood cancer organizations that you know and trust to make a donation.  I know there are people out there who get annoyed whenever they are asked to donate, it does seem like we are all being asked by so many different organizations for money.  But before you turn your head, I urge you to think about your situation and remember that these families that need our help was once like yours. Their weekends were filled with errands to run, lawns to mow, football practices to make....and then one day they were sitting in a stuffy doctor's office and the words "your child has cancer" was all it took to change the essence of the lives they were living.  

I know money is tight for a lot of people, but for those of you that can, I am just asking that perhaps you skip a week's worth of dunkin donuts coffee every couple of months or so and donate that $10. After-all, the only thing that is certain is uncertainty, and you never know if it will be you that has to use those resources someday.